Half Way Through June, Nearly Half Way Through The Year

Last night I went out for a meal with some neighbours. This was really enjoyable, particularly because they owed me for it, after I helped them shift a load of stuff on eBay. Their company is pretty good as well, which is more than can be said for life around here at the moment.

Yes, it’s back to the usual moaning, sadly. The past week me and my housemate have barely exchanged a word. Yes, there’s the usual pleasantries, but the way things are now you wouldn’t have thought we’ve known each other for over 10 years.

It’s all gone wrong, unfortunately. The worst of it is when he tells me things like he’s applying for a job that will only need him to go in two days a week, working from home the other three. That would be an utter disaster as far as I’m concerned, and if that came to fruition I would be out of here as soon as possible.

It’s the little things in life that give me so much annoyance though. For example, it doesn’t appear that he has any knowledge of the mess he creates when he has a bowl of rice Krispies. I guarantee that each time I will find at least 10 of the damn things all over the kitchen floor. And don’t get me started on the state of the microwave after curry has been in it.

I just live with it now though. It is easier than cause trouble by complaining. And I’m sure I have my own irritations too…

I just want to be out of here so that all of this becomes academic, but it’s not happening. It’s not happening because, when I look at the financial reality, it’s not really possible. I may well have been busy lately, but profits are definitely down compared to this time last year. If I could see they were stable, I would definitely be able to afford my own place. Right now, I don’t have the security.

Therein lies the perennial problem of self-employment. Or at least, the situation when it comes to me anyway. Years on, and still nothing I can say with categorical certainty will keep coming in every month.

The year wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m afraid to say it, but this year is already nearly half over and nothing is any different. None of the early promise has come through, and it has no prospect of doing so. Yes, six months isn’t that long really, but life is actually pretty short. Productive life even less so, and the part of the life you can be truly active in is even shorter still.

Last night I had kind of made up my mind. One more month before I take the plunge on something. I cannot wait much longer. It will either be moving house or moving business premises. Somewhere. Anywhere. I just can’t accept this stagnation any more. It’s not working, it’s getting me down, and I need to feel like I am in control and doing something about it. That has always been my preferred form of operation…

Got a meeting tomorrow, on Sunday of all days, to discuss with my so-called business partner in waiting. Not holding my breath.

And this is my 500th post. Hmm. Well done, me. I reckon they’re all the same these days now though!

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A Stressful Week

There’s been something about the week that’s just passed that has really worn me down more than most. I think partly the glorious weather we have been having (that has now stopped, alas) has actually been pretty testing, due to the incessant heat and very warm nights – but also the volume of work has been high.

There was one particular job on Wednesday that necessitated a fair bit of travel to a new client, who potentially might add quite a bit of business on a more interesting project than usual. The main problem of it, however, was a two hour job turned into an eight hour one, which is never particularly good planning-wise. When things are really busy, the diary is packed to the rafters, so any overrun means I have to move jobs around, creating even more stress…

And this always seems to happen in those weeks when I’m planning to go home for a few days.

In the end it worked out OK but it has left me feeling run down and really tired. The worst of it is is that one project from my freelance web agency had come through at the worst possible time, two weeks after it was supposed to. And, as always, it’s massively urgent, meaning I either sacrifice some of the extended bank holiday weekend I was looking forward to, or drop them in the shit and end up with no more work from them.

As usual in life, work has you over a barrel. You either do it to earn the money to live, or you refuse it and have none. In the end, what are you supposed to choose?

Even yesterday evening, going out with my family was not particularly enjoyable. We all went out for a meal… but when there are so many people, and so many opportunities for people to have an argument with each other it all just becomes so tedious. We all get on, but for some reason there is always one issue that gets picked up and used to annoy someone, and then they get nasty, and the atmosphere is soured…

These days, it most often involves my nephew, because he is definitely feeling a bit put out by his new brother, who is now an amazing seven months old. That time has flown. The newest nephew is pretty entertaining, and starting to pick up a personality and beginning to make strange vocalisations as all babies do.

But anyway, it’s Sunday tomorrow, and I’m hoping I can finally get some proper sleep tonight. I’m so tired right now that I can’t really think straight. I’m just not convinced I can carry on in this way for much longer. I know I seem to be saying that with boring regularity, but at some point soon I will have to do something about it.

To top it all, I’m almost certain a cold is beginning. A cold I caught, without question, from one of my customers this week, who was coughing and sneezing all over the place without any attempt to contain it. Fucking brilliant.