Living On My Own

There was a Freddie Mercury song released posthumously which was entitled the same as this post.

I never really liked it. In fact, I found it pretty annoying. But it suddenly came to my head when I was thinking about what has become my new life situation.

As mentioned last time, my housemate has finally left. Life in general is now a huge burden lifted. All the stresses, all the trauma, all the irritating small things that drive you mad, all gone. That alone is one of the things that make me feel like this year is already extremely positive…

But now everything is mine. The house I live in, although it is rented, is now entirely in my control. In the past I used to think why should I bother to spend money on it, when both of us get the benefit. Now it feels like I have to do something about it…

Because, really, I must. The house is desolate. The bits that aren’t filled with computer shite are totally empty. It is, as one of my visitors recently said, “an unloved house”. It looks like I’ve only just moved in. In fact, I currently don’t have a TV (though I haven’t missed it…)

It is embarrassing. People are often visiting, because of the nature of my business, but it is not a welcoming place. It is functional. The living room has somewhere to sit, and that’s about it. Otherwise, it’s filled with computer crap, and a couple of plants.

In some respects, I still don’t feel like I should do much about it. I feel like I should spend my money on saving for my deposit on my own place, which is something I feel must be on my priority list this year. And, with it being rented, there’s not really too much I can do. I can’t put pictures on the walls. I can’t paint the walls.

But these are just excuses. It is not a nice place to visit. It is not a place to live. I will have to spend a bit of money, for a change, on some nice things for me. Not something I am in the habit of doing…

Some might say maybe there is a certain loneliness to living on your own. I have got to be truthfully honest and say I have not yet experienced that. Maybe I will at some point. It’s a big reversal from the past when I used to go on about enjoying living with other people. I still do, but I think, with age, I want my own space now.

I’m not going to be a good person to live with…

Advertisements

Gathering Momentum

In life, there are times when you feel the Momentum.

On Friday, on a long drive back with my prospective business partner, on the return leg of what was a very good meeting, we talked a little about life, and luck.

We are both firm believers that you make your own luck in life. I remember when I was young, I used to believe in fate, and destiny and co-incidences being too co-incidental. It was only when I completely abandoned my religious side I started to question this bizarre fatalism I had.

I’m not a go-getter by any means. I like to work hard. I like to set myself realistic goals. And I have good self-discipline. But I’m not frantic about it. Not really. It’s like with my current business. I have worked hard at it but grown it organically. I haven’t gone down the route of hard-sell, and making myself feel uncomfortable in the process. I am eager to succeed, but not that eager.

But sometimes in life, things go well, and then more things go well from that, and more things go well from that, and so on. To the disinterested observer, viewing things maybe half way through, they might think that that person was lucky, and not realise just how much hard work went into the whole process to achieve the success along the way.

I like to think that I have started this year well. I am working hard, but not too hard. I am eager for the next step, which I am working on nearly every day with various different bits of the huge jigsaw coming together.

This makes me feel good, and in turn I am looking at events more positively than normal, which in turn makes me keen to do them, and produces better results. It’s a little bit “not me” – but I am making more of an effort this year. It wasn’t anything particularly conscious… it just feels like this is the right time. As I wrote in my opening post of the year, I am excited about what this year might bring, and that in turn has made me optimistic.

It feels like I’m on a roll.

And all this, in a post where I haven’t even considered my own house situation.

My housemate has moved out, having done so last week. This has been a huge weight off my shoulders. I think I can attribute this also to my good mood of late.

Maybe I’ll write more about that next time…

2013

New Year this year was slightly better than last year, but only just. We did manage to have a small family gathering, which was very nice, especially as my grandparents were able to make it, but the depression it fills you with for future years is not good.

On the first of the year, I like to set down some benchmarks as to the year ahead. Last year, I was spectacularly wrong. This year, I am going to be a bit more optimistic.

There is something in me that feels this will be a good year. I am not one for mysticism or other spiritual hocus-pocus, but my business head is telling me that, for a change, I should look upon what’s coming this year with a great deal of encouragement.

First of all, in the next couple of weeks, my household circumstances will change dramatically. My housemate is moving out soon, and when that happens I will finally feel like I have, at last, made it to my “own place”. Everyone wants a little bit of somewhere to call home. In my case, however, I am renting a portion of someone else’s property and calling it mine.

Semantics, maybe, but it doesn’t feel like mine, even though I’ve been there for 3.25 years. 3.25 years that have flown by, and yet it looks like I’ve only just moved in. The living room is full of boxes, and has no homely feel. The kitchen is full of work-related equipment. So is my bedroom. It’s like living in your office all day, every day.

Some of this has been because I have felt like it’s not good to spend money on someone else’s house. And also the fact that, while my housemate was there, it just didn’t feel like mine. The house is full of stuff that isn’t mine and constantly reminds me of that fact, or isn’t in the way I would like it. For instance, behind the front door is about eight pairs of shoes. None of them are mine. They all belong to my housemate. But I can’t be bothered any more arguing over things.

In a couple of weeks time, they will all be gone.

The house situation will ease a huge burden off me. But in the back of my mind I continue to worry that I should spend some time working out when, if ever, I will make an attempt to buy a place of my own. I really ought to. To some degree I think that this should be the year.

But business-wise, there are other considerations. On the 11th January I have a critically important business meeting. If it goes well, it will shape the rest of this year very strongly. It still may take some time to kick in, and in my head I am not really expecting much progress, even if the meeting goes well, but I am keen to feel that there is just a little bit of momentum building at the moment. Momentum that might, finally, make me feel like I have built something that will last.

So I am expecting a positive year from my business. A few decent deals in the bag will secure that. Sounds so simple, but it isn’t, and the work required will be immense. But I must remember not to neglect the customers that put me in this position. I do not want to throw away all the progress that I have made.

In my personal life, I have given up hoping on something good to happen. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but we’ll see. At the back end of the year I had a good conversation with someone, but it will probably go nowhere due to time.

And as far as the family is concerned, it’s yet another big year. Hopefully everyone will continue to progress well, with my brothers getting settled in work and university, and my sisters carrying on with their new family and college respectively. Hopefully my mum and dad will find great comfort from 2013, the year their mortgage ends. And my nephews all do well in their important growing-up phases. My biggest worry remains for my 13 year old nephew. I worry about what this society he’s growing up in is teaching him.

Last night I thought deeply about it. It is now 13 years since the celebrations for year 2000. That has flown by so quickly I can barely believe it.

But believe it I must. Life is so fast, and incredibly fleeting. I really must resolve to enjoy this year much more than I did the last.

Let’s see what happens…