Easter Sunday / Not Funday

Sunday Funday is sometimes a “thing” these days. The idea that Sunday is the only day of the week me and my partner get off in totality, so we should do something fun with it.

Last Sunday we were up at the crack of dawn to travel to Exeter. The local train company was doing cheap fares so we wanted to know how far we could go without having to pay the usual extortionate rates. We just about made our train and, this time last week, we were sitting in a Costa…

This week I type this whilst waiting for my turn in the shower. It’s Easter Sunday, in the middle of a four day bank holiday weekend, which makes it slower than ever. It’s great in that respect. We never get more than one day off in a row, so to get four is just unprecedented.

In some ways we don’t know what to do with it. My partner likes Game of Thrones. I’d never seen it. We started watching it. After 5 episodes I decided I really wasn’t enjoying it. I’m no prude but the amount of irrelevant sex just so it can be titilating and everyone will talk about it was stupid. And the stories were boring and the characters were just horrible. Not enough in it for me.

So we have to find some other way of having fun today. But no matter. Even if it was just a quiet day that would be OK to me.

We had a difficult conversation last night about my bisexuality. He knew about it of course, and it makes it weird at times, mainly because I can be a bit hot and cold regarding sexual desires. I do feel somewhat sad that maybe I will never explore the other side of me again. I’ve tried to say that but not in so many words. It is painful as I feel like an uncommitted partner “keeping my options open”. I tried to explain but the words are difficult without scaring someone away. He understands.

But one bit of me is also jealous. I know he has conversations with a couple of friends from his home town that are more friendly, from a banter point of view, that what we have. I read some of his messages the other day. I know I shouldn’t but when he is so secretive, even though I am the total opposite with my devices, I can’t help but feel that I’m missing something. I did find things which surprised me. But how do I raise them? They were what were also making me sad, but I couldn’t discuss them last night…

So today is the morning after the night before. It’s kinda a better mood now and we’re talking normally. Probably best to not say too much more right now.

Like I said, not much of a Funday…

Eight Months

This morning marks an eight month anniversary for me and my partner. It’s a nice event, and we’ve been noting almost every possible combination of anniversaries as they go. For both of us, it really has been an abnormal relationship.

First, for me, it has been my first, what I would say “proper” relationship. One in which I feel truly comfortable all the time just being me, and being all stupid and lovey-dovey. Nothing else I’ve ever had (and there have been precious few) comes close.

Second, for him, he has (apparently) never had anything like this either. He was in a relationship from the age of 16 right up to 26, with a partner who was abusive and a total dick. Of course, I only hear one side of the story. But I believe it. Love, eh?

But a smooshie relationship is what it’s meant to be, right?

He is very much a troubled soul, in need of help. You can see where things went wrong. Yesterday we visited his mother’s grave, on Mother’s Day; the poor lad lost his mum at the age of 10. We’ve been once before, and the first time we went I was in floods of tears. He is more stoical, but I could see yesterday he was genuinely sad. I was too, but tried to stay in control. Things have been depressing of late, but that’s just life isn’t it?

What I’m looking for this week, which I know I won’t get, is just a calm week. No sadness. No pressure. No external influences. Just calm. We’ve had a pretty rubbish January and February (as business isn’t great right now) but as always, with the daylight increasing (yay!) it just feels like it might be time for things to improve.

I sure hope so. At times I get buried in my own negativity. It’s inevitable as it’s just who I am. But I think it’s decreasing. And it’s all thanks to my partner.

Never really thought I’d ever say anything like that. But there we go…