Looking back, it seems I was essentially right in July when I said the virus would be back. I did also say though that I think we were currently being very lucky, and sure enough through the month of August, as people stuffed their face in restaurants for cheap, courtesy of the Government, the figures barely moved. I was perplexed. How could this be? The evidence of people properly socially distancing and being good about it was actually minimal.

I think the key was what I also wrote though, in that we had done a pretty good job of getting the virus numbers down to very low levels. So what did people do? Enjoy their “freedom” and the virus enjoyed this too. It spread, very slowly. Even exponential curves trickle forward slowly to begin with.

Then it seems people did a good job of going abroad, and bringing it back into the country, spreading it around by not quarantining properly or at all. (the stories I’ve heard are shocking). The virus was very happy with this too.

In other parts of the country, they did not do quite so good a job of getting the numbers down. Up North, from where I hail, has many more cases. And, as such, the lockdowns are greater, and may be increased tomorrow, after the government’s rather pitiful efforts so far. This concerns me, as if this continues to rage, and there isn’t much success in getting through to people’s thick skulls that they must stop mixing, if only for a few weeks, it will be my first ever Christmas down South.

I can’t say I would be looking forward to that. Up to two weeks of nothing, sitting here, in minimal hours of daylight, doing exactly what I’ve been doing all day. Nothing. Nothing but wanging around, doing boring bits of work and dodging housework. I could spend time relaxing reading a book, maybe, or playing games, and maybe if it was Christmas I would feel like I could properly switch off. But no… I still feel like I would struggle to do it. I have realised that in order for me to switch off and feel refreshed, I really must be nowhere near a computer.

And that wouldn’t really work. It would be the worst time of year to be going out and doing stuff. The coldest time. The shortest days. No one around here to see socially. Even if we, down here, will be allowed to do so. It seems we are luckier as we got the levels down lower. Not so up there.

I am sure I’d have various invitations to spend Christmas with others. But that would mean a new type of Christmas. I was wondering if I could visit my sister, but I suspect she’d go to her fiancé’s house with his family, as they are small enough. I would be stuck dodging invitations that are undodgeable. Could I really go to R&J’s, and sit there having to be on my best behaviour, desperately hoping conversation would not turn to politics? Or race? Or anything really. How could I dodge it without offending?

But these are the problems of middle class worriers. I am healthy. I’m not particularly happy, but I’m alive. As I’ve been saying to many, the beach will still be there. But maybe the shops won’t be? The things I used to like doing, exploring towns and cities, coffee, people watching, talking about the world with J, I feel they might be gone forever. And then what? What can I replace them with? J doesn’t seem interested in me any more. He’s happy with his games, and happy to leave me up here typing away. It’s a far cry to how we used to be. It’s not his fault. I’m miserable, anti-social and not interested in looking for new things to do. I just can’t help it. Is it a form of depression?

Today we could have gone out, but I chose not to. J wanted to badger me to meet up with my sister, but I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to be alone, content, doing nothing. I can’t explain it. But it feels like this is what 2020 has made me into.