What Happens When Work Takes Over

It seems to have been three weeks since New Year’s Day, when I last wrote. I’m not quite sure what happened. Well, I know, but it just doesn’t make sense. It all goes so quickly.

After New Year I had a good break, spending time relaxing, doing my own thing. Playing an awful lot of piano too. I really could notice myself getting better and better every day, but there’s so so much to learn, and it’s so difficult dividing your brain into two for the left and right hand. If you’ve never played piano, you won’t quite understand, but eventually there comes a point that clicks. Your brain just starts doing it after you practice it millions of times. Or seemingly millions of times.

But I suppose it’s like that with anything really. If you do it enough times, it suddenly slips into a subconscious part of your brain, and you don’t need to actively think about it any more. It’s like that with my business too. The work is not challenging any more. In fact, when a challenging and difficult job comes up, I really enjoy it. The jobs are all the same – which means it’s relatively easy, and sometimes doesn’t take me long any more. That can actually be a big problem when you charge by the hour…

The start of this year was supposed to bring some big developments with my business, but thanks to the slowness of the wheels turning when you’re trying to secure big business contracts, very little has happened. I am fortunate, however, that instead of worrying about it, I have been busy non-stop for two weeks since I got back. So after coming back from holiday feeling totally refreshed, instead I have exhausted myself really quickly and am already looking forward to the next holiday…

There was also not so good news either when I got a letter telling me one of my bigger customers has suddenly turned into a “creditor”. Not good. £843 they owed me, and I’m unlikely to ever see that again. Bastards.

About the only bit of non-work I have to report was on Wednesday, when I went to see the film War Horse. It was better than I expected, but very very mushy. It wasn’t a war film, but in its war scenes to did capture the essence of the effect of war on people very well. It’s a film about human relationships, really. Numerous tearful moments…

Then there is today. I’m sitting in a neighbour’s house some 10 miles away from the normal house. They’ve let me borrow it just to get away for 24 hours – which is very kind of them. It does work. I have had a little chance to sit back and relax, watch some TV, some DVDs, do a little reading, and a lot of eating too. Eating is a must, after all, and I have been so busy this week that I have missed tea on two days in a row. I just didn’t have time. Literally, 15 hour days of work.

And just when I feel like I’m getting on top of things, on Tuesday I’m going away on business for a week. Exciting, and interesting, a new web project… hopefully. But it’s not a guarantee, and it’s going to lead to me falling behind on the normal bread and butter PC repair work, again.

Anyway, enough for now.



The new year brings its customary assessment of the year to come. And here it is.

After what must have been the quietest new year ever by my standards, it is time to look at where I might be going. What are the prospects for this year?

If I’m honest, I’m terribly worried. I have great concerns about the economy. If the Eurozone crisis finally bubbles out of control, it will have serious consequences for all. I’m expecting a pretty rough first six months of this year. I could already sense that I was getting less and less work as the year ended. New Year is traditionally a time to cut back after the excessive spending during the Christmas period. I fear that is what’s going to happen.

There is an answer. If 2012 goes well, it will set me on the right path for the next few years. There is a possibility afoot of large contracts, with big suppliers, in a new avenue of business. It is exciting but also unnerving as there’s just no way of guessing where it might go. I have a new business partner who is very keen, but also a shade unreliable. I am playing it cautiously. We’ll see.

On the other hand, if none of that happens, it might turn out to be a Ceiling Year. That is, the point at which you realise no more progress can be made, and you either have to accept it and live like a normal adult, or look, yet again, to unsettle yourself and take a risk. I don’t know, but I’m starting to get weary of wondering which way to turn.

In my personal life, I just don’t know what to do any more. I would like to see some development, but just can’t see how I can engineer circumstances to get involved with someone. But in reality I have to do something. I am not getting any younger. In secret, I would love to be a parent. Not that I have any useful genes to pass on, but from a selfish perspective I am starting to think it really is time I had a child. I think it would make such an incredible difference to me as a person. I know it would be hard work, but I think it would make me a more rounded, less self-centred individual.

But it’s all guff. It can’t happen without the necessary obvious prerequisite. And as I said, where that comes from I don’t know.

In a wider perspective, it is going to be a tough year for my family. My granddad is now reaching a point in his dementia that he is totally incapable of doing anything. He was here last night and cannot hold a conversation any more, though in his own mind he thinks he is. He doesn’t know who people are. My poor nan is being driven round the bend by him. She gets help, but she’s an extremely proud woman and doesn’t accept it easily. I know this is all going to place a massive strain on my mum. She was already pretty tearful yesterday.

Hopefully things will go well for my siblings and nephews.

Not much more to be said, really. Let’s see what happens…