It’s 10 years ago today that my older sister got married. Back then seems a long time ago, but I was asked if I’d like to join them and go to Florida. Of course it was an expense I’d have to meet, but i decided that business had to come first as it was at a delicate stage of growing.

I always remember that it was the wrong decision. The week or two surrounding it was very quiet and I would have got away with it. It would have made almost no difference, and I would have made some happy memories. It would also have been the last holiday I had gone on to this day.

fast forward to today. I have been with my partner for 5.75 years, and have known him for over 6. It is fair to say I’m bored, but not really with him. Just bored at not really having anything to do with him. We play a few games on the TV and do work together, and, in times before corona, we would go to the shops and sit in McDonalds with a coffee and my beloved, now extinct, triple chocolate cookie. We would go out to odd villages and towns, walk around and then come back again. But we don’t do that sort of thing any more. I’m not even sure I want to. Covid has made me content with just killing time.

So it’s not really a happy Easter here. I didn’t buy anyone any gifts. I have no intention of going to anyone’s garden for a corona party. The sun is shining, but, having dedicated days of my life to sorting out our office, we are both tired. Tired, but not really got any idea what to do with our time now that we have some.

I do love the four day Easter weekend though. People usually leave you alone (apart from someone who called on Good Friday and left a message about their computer that has been broken for TWO WEEKS) so you can genuinely relax knowing the stress is a few days away. It was a joy when I woke up this morning (still tired) and realised that that normal Sunday feeling of dreading work’s imminent return was wrong. But it still helps to know what to do with it…

It’s a real shame though, because today is lovely. The sun is shining, which it hasn’t since it was a balmy 22 degrees C on Tuesday. And tomorrow is going to be just 6 degrees. So time is pressing, and getting outdoors seems to be crucial to just not being indoors and either a) working; b) looking at my phone; c) worrying about the future; d) doing nothing. My indoor hobbies are now non existent. I don’t read books. I don’t play games. I don’t play the guitar any more. I just read crap on my phone. I am boring. And J doesn’t help me be less boring. So getting out is the only escape my brain has.

Covid has seriously damaged my life and my way of thinking. But instead of valuing being healthy and alive, it’s made me (somewhat) content to just sit around doing nothing and thinking that’s an acceptable way to be.

This time last year spending Easter trapped indoors was a novelty. This year it’s by choice. That’s wrong.