This year I have, apparently, made several resolutions. None of them I’m keeping, but oh well.
The first was to try and be more positive. Life is not usually worth living, and there are dark moments everywhere, but actually for me my life is generally quite acceptable. Work puts me under serious stress, but I’m not dealing with life or death here. About the most distressing a day gets is whether or not I have fucked up someone’s computer, or worse, lost all their treasured photographic memories. That alone can be awful, and it’s happened before, but, at the end of the day, it isn’t important. Not really.
Whilst I would be sad if I lost all my old photos, I would also wonder what it is I’ve lost. I look at them now and think, oh, that’s depressing. I used to smile OK. I had more hair. All bad thoughts. Would I really miss them? There are so many in fact that I might just go – oh, I can’t even remember what was there. Tragic. And I don’t even look at them anyway. I looked at them just now for the purposes of this paragraph. Point proven.
So the resolution to be happier should be an easy one, right? Be more philosophical about everything. Be more zen. Be more Buddhist. There is nothing supremely bad. Or supremely good. It’s all just a bit meh. So stop overreacting to the fact that the phone always rings when I’m on the phone to someone else. It just is. Deal with it.
It’s been a total failure. But at least I have made a conscious effort. So maybe not a total failure. I’m just more upset that I bothered to make a new year’s resolution. That is always definitely a conscious effort I make to avoid.
The second resolution has been to try and leave the office on time, especially at weekends. 1pm sharp, gone. This needs to happen. It isn’t. I may have improved on leaving times by a few minutes, but today I was there at 7am, and, though I left at 6:30pm, that’s still an absurd length of time to be working.
The third resolution has been to try and get back to being a bit more active. Whilst moving house to as far away as it has has had its advantages to this point, I am definitely getting a belly. Not a fat belly. Just an ageing belly. It sags now. Also, my eyes are developing lines. And my hair is just a joke. I could try and get back into the sit up regime that I used to do, but I have less time now. I’m spending more time in the morning doing crappy pre-office paperwork. See Resolution 2 and its general failure.
The fourth resolution has been to find something different and fun to do in leisure time. As always, this usually has to involve the other half. J, I think, would like to join a gym and all that jazz. I wouldn’t. I hate other people. It’s also embarrassing. I would rather us spend more time together doing fun things. That might even involve more time having sex. What a weird thing to say. But sex can be a fun mutual pastime. We didn’t get enough of that last year. I know he agrees too. But life and work make us both miserable at the end of the day at times, and that is hardly conducive to the mood…
4 semi-resolutions. 4 semi-failures. I’m sure there are more, but I can’t think of them right now. That’s probably because I’ve broken them and conveniently forgotten them.
Good.