Relying On Others

As life progresses, you realise almost nothing happens without the co-operation of others. It’s really only the small things in life, the bits that probably only you can do anyway, which you can accomplish single-handed. For example, if I don’t go shopping, I will starve and die. Therefore I have to. That’s not a particularly big achievement.

On a bigger level, there are some things which are optional, which if taken on single-handed can lead to a real sense of fulfilment at their completion. Maybe taking on the decorating single-handed. Or a good old-fashioned top-to-bottom spring clean. Or perhaps being the sole person responsible for organising a party. Yes, these things can be very satisfying.

Ultimately, however, they are limited in scope. To get bigger achievements, you need help. You need a network of other people, whether they’re friends, family, colleagues or other people with an interest, whether personal, emotional or financial.

It is such that my life at the moment is at this stage. I’ve moaned about waiting in the past. Waiting for things to happen. Waiting for others to decide. Waiting for others to act. But as you move through life you realise everything is like that. And always you think “if only everyone was as organised as me, then I wouldn’t have to wait…”

Well… maybe there is some truth in that. I am a pretty organised person. I always have been. From when I was a sad youth, doing my homework as soon as I got back so I could have the evening/weekend to me. Same was true in university, finishing my essays, tutorials, even my dissertation, safely before the deadline. And it’s always been true in my work life.

But now it has taken on a greater relevance to my life – because I am now relying on others to pay me. I have huge debts outstanding to a few clients, and I have to chase them to get the money they know they owe me. I also rely on others coming back to me, finding my service useful and good value. So far so good on that score.

There is a big project I’m working on at the moment that if it comes through will be the making of me. I need the mythical Others to hurry up and decide. Hurry up and get things in motion. Because I’m sick of thinking about it. Sick of wondering whether today will be the day they finally get back to me. I hate chasing people up to do something they really ought to have done by now, or really should have had the decency, professionalism or common courtesy to get sorted.

But there can be all manner of reasons why things don’t happen. And I’m not perfect either. Others are waiting for me to do things all the time. I just hope they don’t feel this way about me.

Betcha they do. Hypocrite warning.

Maybe there’s a reason for this. I guess I just don’t like other people really. Deep down. Might explain why I have no friends any more!

A New Addition

Last Wednesday night, my family welcomed a new addition, and I became an uncle, again.

Little Nathan was born a little early, but not too much so that it matters. He was a healthy weight, and has a full head of hair. That’s quite typical of our family, and our rather unruly hair genes.

I had predicted all along that it would be a boy. I don’t know why. It just seemed that way. Turns out I got a 50/50 punt right. But what’s also amusing is that I picked the name Nathan if it was a boy some months ago. It stuck, we all liked it, and when I heard the news it was with some excitement.

News first broke earlier on the Wednesday, when my elder sister was getting ready for the labour after her waters broke. The day went by slowly. I was in London, eager to hear some news, but nothing came. I had some meetings, none of which turned out to be of any consequence, but the day dragged on.

It was about 11:00pm when I thought it was getting a bit silly, so I text my mum for info. It was then I discovered that they had finally gone the hospital and the new baby would be with us in the next hour. Bear in mind that I’m about 200 miles away from where all the action was going on. It was slightly sad to say the least. I asked them to keep me informed!

The good news then came half an hour later. All successful. All well. And a name. I was so tired I couldn’t stay up longer, but I had a bad night’s sleep. I had horrible dreams about it. I felt like something bad was going to happen. I really don’t know why.

Early in the morning I couldn’t bear it. I thought I would have received a text with some news, but nothing. So I text again, and a reply came back quickly. All was well. The mind really is cruel sometimes.

Fortunately, I was going home on the Friday for a few days. I really couldn’t wait. I was so excited to see him. I’m already an uncle, but I am hoping to make a better job of it this time, although I do wonder how much I will see this particular nephew due to how much I’m away, and the fact that my sister now has a much more settled life.

When I arrived it was everything I’d hoped. He is perfect. He is small and very cute. As always, the fingernails, toes and ears fascinate due to their tiny sizes. His eyes are lovely and his hair is amusing.  There’s enough there for it to be spiked up, which his brother likes to do for comedy purposes.

I held him for a bit, and he didn’t cry once. Babies do tend to sleep a lot, but it was OK. Gave my poor sister a rest!

The weekend then flew by. It was good to help out, welcome him to the family, and make sure my sister was OK. She’s done so well. I know it’s her second, but you never quite expect what’s to come. My brother-in-law also seems to be ready for the challenge. He’s usually quite well prepared on all these things and this was no exception.

I left today, and unfortunately the nature of how I left meant that I didn’t actually get to see him before I went. I feel a bit upset now. These moments are only here once, and in two weeks time I’m certain he’ll look totally different. Babies grow so fast anyway, but a lot happens in two weeks.

But no matter what I’m absolutely thrilled by his arrival, and I look forward to – hopefully – being another good role model to someone else! Hopefully lots of fun times ahead too.

Here’s to you, Nathan.

What Happens Next

At the moment, life feels like one of those awful rounds from A Question of Sport. You know the one where they play a bit of video tape and pause it at a moment where nothing seems to be apparently happening. And then when they start playing it again…

Yep. That’s right now. OK, the pace of business is brisk, but there is something of a tedious pause going on at the moment. I am awaiting news on a number of fronts, as I’m sure I’ve kept mentioning. I need the news to happen as soon as possible. It has to be good news, or I’ll be severely depressed. But we just keep waiting.

I’ve noticed a pattern emerging in life. This is the beauty of blogging. I can look back and see how many times I have moaned in the past about waiting. Waiting for this, waiting for that. Often it does come, and life improves. Usually it never does, and I have to find some alternative angle. Which usually involves more waiting. The wheels of decision-making don’t turn quickly.

There is a big meeting next week I am attending. It could change the pace of everything here. It could be rather interesting. I’m in limbo at the moment waiting for it. I am even going to have to spend some money for it, which is a damn shame. I hate wearing nice clothing, nice suits… it just isn’t me. But I’m going to have to look the part for this meeting, and so a good suit is in order. The current one, which is about nine sizes too big, just will not do.

But that might mean I need to cut my hair. That is also in a limbo at the moment. It hasn’t been this “long” for some time. I say “long” because my hair doesn’t really get long any more. Since about the age of 12, I suddenly developed curls in my hair when it reaches a certain length. It’s way past that length now, and I have the beginnings of what would turn into a curly mop head. I’ve been partly too busy to cut it, and partly too lazy. But if I want to look at least reasonably smart, then the hair is probably going to have to go as well…

Meanwhile, life in the house is bad. I don’t really talk to my housemate any more. I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but it just did all of a sudden. I did want it to go like this though. For months I had been hoping that he would get the London job that would pull the plug on all of his involvement in my business. It would force me to take some decisions to reshape the way it works. It happened, and so I did. In the end, they weren’t even difficult, or at least haven’t proved to be in the last few months.

And if the news… hopefully this month… is good, it will soon be time for bye-byes on this so-called friendship.

No wonder I don’t have many friends…