This month has disappeared in a blur, but it has also been somewhat slow. I’ve never quite fathomed why sometimes time feels so slow, and also so fast.
The best explanation I can put on it is that when you are working non-stop like I am lately, every day feels the same. Weekends are no different. Out of hours doesn’t exist, except as a fleeting window of time during which I can knuckle down and get things done without worrying about the phone ringing.
So consequently, when I look back and think “How come it’s only Tuesday, this week has been so long!” – it’s just because my “week” probably started about four months ago.
The main reason why this is the Major Month is that, finally, the bullet has been bitten. The die has been cast. And all manner of other horrible clichés.
I have been saying all year that I really must do something. Well, the confluence of two events has finally forced my hand.
First, I am now the director of a friend’s business. This was not a decision taken lightly, and has involved a huge amount of personal and financial sacrifice in the very short term. But, frankly, the numbers add up, and it was a proposition I’d be stupid to miss.
Secondly, one night I just snapped. I was lying in bed (at 10:00pm, as is my new routine…) and thought – why on Earth am I working 12-14 hours every day of the week? I could cut my hours down to a third of this, and pay someone else to do everything else, and I’d still make a profit.
It was only a hunch. But the timing was perfect. I have been feeling this for a while, but the sudden realisation that I could time this with the rise of the other business – which needs an office to function properly – was just perfect in every way.
So now the office is in progress. There is a potential employee waiting in the wings. I feel like I am seeing the path towards a more strategic/corporate role… the one that I’ve always thought I’m good enough to be able to achieve. The one where I am overseeing operations, driving the business forward, rather than constantly dealing with the day-to-day tactical battle of fixing things and getting stressed by the occasional customer asking the occasional irritating question…
The target date is in two weeks time. It could be the best birthday present in a long while.
A part of me is nervous. But another part of me is completely philosophical about it. If I cannot support an employee and an office on the current and projected workloads, then I will never be able to do so. And if I am not here to expand this business, to make it into something bigger, then I might as well just give up now. I do not like standing still. I do not like the thought that I could be doing the same thing for the next 10 years without anything different ever happening.
I have always been an ambitious person. I have written it many times. I always want to know there is something ahead, something worth fighting for. Something worth living for. A new challenge.
This is it.