Brass Monkeys

In the past week or so, it’s suddenly become rather cold. I hasten to use the word “very” in front of cold, because in truth we Brits don’t really know what “cold” means; suffice it to say that anything around zero degrees Celsius is not good. I would never survive in Canada, the north of the USA or Russia, for example. So let’s just say that it’s too cold for me.

My tolerance for cold seems to have waned with every passing year. I don’t know whether that’s because these days I seem to be lighter than ever. My current weight is 65kg, and while I’m not underweight, I am moving towards the bottom end of the BMI scale. I don’t really know why this should be. I seem to be eating about the same amount of stuff I always have done. I do a little bit more exercise than I used to, but I wouldn’t have thought it was making me lose weight. I really ought to patent my diet, because to me it’s 80% junk, 20% good with only mild exercise and yet the kilos are disappearing…

But because of my low weight, and presumably low body fat, I am feeling the cold more than I’ve ever done. I can’t bear to be outside in the cold. On Tuesday I was outside helping with my team’s football training, and the wind and the driving rain would have been enough to make a grown man weep. Well, I nearly did. But it was just so horrific that I don’t think I’ve ever felt so bad in my life.

The situation is now being exacerbated by the fact that I am essentially sleeping outside. My new bedroom, the converted loft space, is, to put it bluntly, fucking freezing. I took a thermometer up there and at the moment daytime room temperature doesn’t go above 12°C. At night, it drops to 8°C. I have been assured that there is insulation in the loft, both below the floor, in the roof, and the windows are double glazed, but there is a ferocious draught that brings in the outside cold air with consumate ease. Let this serve as a warning to others wanting to get their lofts converted – you’re exposed to the weather on more than one side, unlike a normal room, the draughts are ridiculous, and in order to keep the room warm you need to have the central heating or other electric/gas heater on constantly. Meanwhile, in the summer, the heat is outrageous.

Basically, it’s uninhabitable right now. Even with serious jumpers on. I haven’t switched my computer on up there since Monday, so I’m doing all my computer use downstairs where there is at least some degree of warmth. All I’m doing up there at the moment is using it for sleep. Which is bad enough. Even a thick duvet doesn’t keep the cold out. I wake up several times a night at the moment shivering with cold. I think I’m going to have to get an electric blanket, and some more blankets in general.

But do you know what the worst thing about all this is?

It’s not even winter yet.