Day 2

WARNING – this post is, again, off track compared to everything else here. See previous two posts for context – The Complicated Feelings and The Gays of Grindr.

In my last couple of months trying to be a bit more accepting of my bisexuality, I have now established something of a pattern. I’m sure others have observed this too – but it frustrates me incredibly…

It is possible that, just once in a while, whilst browsing “meet up” apps like Grindr and Hornet that you will either start a conversation with someone, or someone else will start a conversation with you, which clicks quite well. You have a decent chat with them, getting to know them a little bit, and revealing a bit about yourself, with mutually positive reactions. It all seems to go so well. You add them as a favourite.

Then Day 2 happens.

There is something very odd about gay and bi guys on these apps, in my experience. Most of them are entirely arrogant and ignorant. They behave in ways that you would never get away with in person, because if you did you’d be the most hated person alive. It is routine for guys to not even acknowledge a hello. It is standard for guys to block people if they don’t fit their perfect conception of what they’re looking for. Imagine if someone said a perfectly innocent hello to you in a bar and you turned away from them and acted like they didn’t even exist. You’d get a load of abuse!

But what’s even more bizarre, and actually more hurtful, is when guys don’t even bother on Day 2. Why even give the other guy some hope, some acknowledgement, in the first place? Is it really that hard for people to say, “Thanks man, but you’re not my type”. Or “I’m really flattered but I don’t feel the same, sorry”. Because that’s the only conclusion I can draw… they just pretended and went along with the conversation on Day 1, with the knowledge that on Day 2 they’d be able to just completely, totally and utterly ignore your messages.

I can count the number of incidences of this now in the dozens. It would be different if they were all initiated by me, but actually they are about 50/50. Yes, I know everyone isn’t compatible, and maybe the other guy has since had a better offer, but – again – is it really that hard to communicate? “Thanks but I’m seeing another guy now”, “Sorry mate I don’t think I want to meet you, but we could still chat and maybe be friends?”

Friends. The concept that doesn’t even seem to enter into people’s minds. Just because you aren’t physically attracted to someone, maybe they could still be a platonic friend? We may all be horny from time to time, but, please, get over yourself if you think I couldn’t contain my physical attraction and convert it into ordinary friendship. Sure, some guys aren’t looking for friends, but I’m willing to wager that many of them are pretty lonely…

I almost feel uncomfortable with all of this, because I feel like I don’t belong in such a group of horrible people. I usually give people a couple of attempts, one message, one day; another message a couple of days later. And then if they still don’t respond, I give them one final spiel a few days later: “Don’t understand why you’re being so ignorant, man. Doesn’t take much to have some manners and say you’re not interested, surely?”

It usually gets no reply, but at least I feel better.

I am not a rude person. I was brought up with manners. Even if the online world is different to the real world, we should still be kind. It’s another human out there reading your text; it’s not a fucking emotionless robot. I reply to nearly everyone, even the guys who are of no interest to me. I have had some nice chats with them, and everyone is an interesting character with different stories to tell.

I just wish others could repay that compliment.

Otherwise, you’re just a rude, arrogant, ignorant fuck.

Someone should start a campaign to make people behave a bit better on meet up apps.

Give your fellow human a break, please.

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Rain, Rain, Go Away

It’s a truism of my life that I can sit at home for days, enjoying the nice weather, but then when I’m actually required to do something, actually go somewhere, the weather will turn.

And so it has came to pass again this morning. The rain is pounding away on the roof above me, and I’m sitting here desperately hoping that it will stop by 11am – the time I need to be heading out of here.

It’s been a desperate few days. Not only have we been dealing with my brother’s broken nose, and the nightmare of trying to get the police interested (even though we have a photo of the perpetrator, his name, contact details and CCTV footage!), but in my own life there have been the usual turns for the worse.

Number 1 – I have wasted a significant degree of time chasing after people and applying for jobs that either a) don’t exist; or b) were already sewn up. I’ve tried to secure some part-time work recently, including applying for an old job I once did. Now my calls aren’t returned, and in any case it was their turn to reply after I’d jumped through all the hoops. If they’re not bothered, then fuck them. I’ve had enough of being pleasant to people only to get it thrown back in my face. It is any wonder why I want to be self-employed properly? I hate sucking up to bosses – “Oh yes, I really want this job because it will be a wonderful challenge for me and I want to work for such an outstanding company that will help me develop as an individual!”. Bullshit. You want the job because you need the cash and you’re sick and tired of watching Flog It! and Jeremy Kyle.

Number 2 – the football club seems to be heading into ruin because of the incident, and ongoing traumas which were enhanced still further on Saturday. Not only is it a logistical nightmare, but the so-called “kids” were playing against (many of them are overage) are thugs and have no class. Same goes for the managers. Then there is the problem of leagues threatening to go renegade and quit the local FA structures. Total nightmare, and all because of a few egos and the low level of intelligence that most people running football clubs and leagues have.

Number 3 – due to my brother’s broken nose, I have assumed all his responsibilities for delivering his newspaper round. Yes, that does mean I take his pay, but for £20 it’s a lot of pissing around. For instance, today I’m going to a job, then coming home to do the paper round, then going back out to do another job. Lunacy. But it has to be done, and no one else can do it.

Number 4 – my elder sister is a constant source of agony and woe to us all, but particularly my mum, who feels like she has to help her do everything, from pay her bills, to finding her a new place to live.

And in the midst of all this, there are birthdays and Father’s Day. They’re meant to be happy, joyous occasions. But no one feels like celebrating anything because of the continuous compounding of misery we’ve suffered the past two weeks or so.

I despair. I really do. I wish I had good news to report, but there just never seems to be any. The only good news is that at least I’m fit and healthy. Not everyone can say that.