The Year of (Some) Surprise

It is that time again – what did the year shape up to be?

As usual the best way to look at that is to see what this post or it’s usual start of year equivalent said.

What’s interesting is that for years I have generally been predicting that hopefully, one day, I will afford a new house. This year, in the year I actually did not only reach the point of being able to afford the ridiculous deposit on a house, but more importantly, managed to convince a bank that I can definitely afford a mortgage payment of £750 a month (they would not take the monthly rent payment of £995 into account, wankers) … apparently, I had no such aspirations or predictions that it would happen. I think the strains of moving earlier in the year had made me feel like I don’t want to be doing that again in a hurry…

Life is strange at times.

I usually start my reviews with a conclusion. Never bury the lede, so they say. So I suppose for that the year has to be a Good year. Arguably, it should be a Very Good year. I mean, why not? Don’t we all aspire to home ownership? That’s what society tells us you need to have been a successful Adult.

I had started to lose interest in it, and since becoming an owner-occupier (I like bandying that one around as it sounds comical) I have definitely realised all the down-sides of the whole thing. I mean, so far we must have spent several thousands (borrowed, of course) on putting right some of the crappy things in the house. And there are so many more to go. So much for saving money by paying less than renting. So far, that dream hasn’t been realised…

So that’s why it’s not so good. It’s great to have security. It’s great to have the comfort of knowing that there is no immediate threat to chuck us out that could happen at any time if the landlord sold up. Yes, it’s a bit of a strange feeling, but that new place is now mine and J’s. We can do what we like with it. Within reason, I suppose. I mean, there is a tipped up plant in the garden that has been like that now for weeks, and we’ve left it like that and just went away for 9 days. That kind of stuff is so lame it can wait. I’m sure the neighbours love us.

Looking back though, the real problem with this year was that my worries about the family continued to come true. I am as distant from my brothers now than ever. My older sister too. My younger sister not so much, but it’s difficult to keep in touch these days when everyone is so busy. She’s even bought her own house this year too, which is great, but it’s just another reason for people to be so busy to engage with each other…

The less said about my nephews the better. My oldest nephew continues to drift, and it’s really sad to have spoken with him recently, and he tries to talk and act like an adult, whilst still being incredibly dense about life and what to make of it. I feel really sorry for him, and worry that he is heading into oblivion, but there is nothing any of us can do. He won’t listen. He won’t change. He wants to do his own thing. He is dragging my mum and dad into nonsense, and his mum (my sister) has basically washed her hands of him. It’s terrible because I can see what happened to my nan and grandad regarding my cousin, who basically became an extra grandson for them at a late age… happening again with my own mum and dad.

As for my other nephews, the youngest is still too young to be worried about, but the other two continue to be weird. Maybe they’ll grow out of it, but they’re just strange. They ignore you when you talk to them, and they appear to have no social skills at all. I hope it doesn’t happen to the youngest one as well. Transfixed to a glowing screen, prodding it and thinking Plants vs Zombies is a suitable parental replacement.

Then there’s the illness of my nan, worrying me about the frailty of life, and how we really are now entering a time of constant decline. Dad isn’t great either, and Mum’s continued “forgetful” behaviour does worry me a lot. It’s hard to know when she’s being serious.

As for me and J – well, we end the year probably on better terms than we did at the start of the year, if I look at that post again. We are, I think, a great couple – but the year has been stressful for us. We have achieved a lot with the house, and continuing to survive in this modern economy when all you have is your own skills and personality to keep customers coming back to our business is hard. I feel the stresses of it very highly now. I know he does too. We’ve both decided to “do something” about it, but what that is we don’t truly know. Personally, we are close, but not as close as we have been. We’ve lost an element of the fun that I think our relationship used to have. It’s ok though – we’ll survive. We have to, we own a house together now…

2017 – you were an odd year. Filled with surprises, ups and downs, but overall you were good. I’m sad that my family is disintegrating, and we are all more distant than ever, and illness is creeping up. But I think that’s just life, and everyone deals with the same thing as you get older. The only thing I can control is what I do – and I think, having managed to scrape together significant pennies on some bricks and mortar at long last, in spite of the problems it’s brought, that we did OK!

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