What Does It Mean

Yesterday towards the end of the day I received a text from someone I know. The person involved is female and may hold some interest to me.

Now I don’t profess to have any experience with women or any insights whatsoever. This puts me at an extreme disadvantage.

The text asked if I’d be interested in meeting up for a chat. This was made more complicated by having to London to meet this person… It makes it a rather expensive coffee.

I once met up with this person about two years ago. We get on reasonably well and conversation is pleasant, though a bit awkward. I think the reason is that neither of us really know the pretext of our meeting. Is it friends or mutual aged, shared situation chit chat, or could it ever be something more?

I don’t know, and reading the signs for me is impossible. She is reasonably attractive to me, but as I’m such a difficult person to get on with, and with so little time to pursue outside interests I thought I’d try and do little double bubble

Today I am once again traveling up north. It just so happened that I would have a window inbetween waiting for trains in London. She text me out of the blue, asking if I’d like to meet, for the third time in about six months. I had already made my excuses on previous occasions. There were pressing other matters going on, but I also admit a fear of the unknown. This time, however, I thought there was nothing to lose.

Would she take the miniscule opportunity presented? The answer was yes.

I write now in hindsight. It was definitely a good thing, but it just feels weird. I don’t feel a huge degree of attraction, but I don’t feel negative either. However I did feel like we get on well, and who knows where something like that would lead. She is intelligent and smart, and I feel like I could enjoy her company. That seems like a good basis for some sort of relationship, doesn’t it?

I am, and always will be, Mr Analytical. It is my key strength as a person, but brings incredible weakness when it comes to people. I cannot fathom people out well, and often spend too long over analysing things that aren’t meant to be analysed, or only had meaning at the time, and don’t stand up to scrutiny.

I’m probably not built for romance… l enjoy joking about it with my colleagues in work, and they find it hilarious. But perhaps I should try and be serious for a change. What if I like it?

Who knows. I need to see past my fear first. Then see past my wallet.

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