Living On My Own

There was a Freddie Mercury song released posthumously which was entitled the same as this post.

I never really liked it. In fact, I found it pretty annoying. But it suddenly came to my head when I was thinking about what has become my new life situation.

As mentioned last time, my housemate has finally left. Life in general is now a huge burden lifted. All the stresses, all the trauma, all the irritating small things that drive you mad, all gone. That alone is one of the things that make me feel like this year is already extremely positive…

But now everything is mine. The house I live in, although it is rented, is now entirely in my control. In the past I used to think why should I bother to spend money on it, when both of us get the benefit. Now it feels like I have to do something about it…

Because, really, I must. The house is desolate. The bits that aren’t filled with computer shite are totally empty. It is, as one of my visitors recently said, “an unloved house”. It looks like I’ve only just moved in. In fact, I currently don’t have a TV (though I haven’t missed it…)

It is embarrassing. People are often visiting, because of the nature of my business, but it is not a welcoming place. It is functional. The living room has somewhere to sit, and that’s about it. Otherwise, it’s filled with computer crap, and a couple of plants.

In some respects, I still don’t feel like I should do much about it. I feel like I should spend my money on saving for my deposit on my own place, which is something I feel must be on my priority list this year. And, with it being rented, there’s not really too much I can do. I can’t put pictures on the walls. I can’t paint the walls.

But these are just excuses. It is not a nice place to visit. It is not a place to live. I will have to spend a bit of money, for a change, on some nice things for me. Not something I am in the habit of doing…

Some might say maybe there is a certain loneliness to living on your own. I have got to be truthfully honest and say I have not yet experienced that. Maybe I will at some point. It’s a big reversal from the past when I used to go on about enjoying living with other people. I still do, but I think, with age, I want my own space now.

I’m not going to be a good person to live with…

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