Disappointment

My business, and therefore my life (because my life feels like nothing other than my business), is taking some rather disappointing turns lately. Work, measured by quantity, is down. And no obvious reason for it; suddenly, the phone has stopped ringing with genuine callers. There remain enquries of sorts, but many of them are increasingly deciding not to bother with repairs.

Then there is the lack of any progress, any developments at all, on the “big news” front. Before Christmas I had thought that by now I would be striding forward by now, as we had expected a deal to be ready to sign with a big new client. Unfortunately, they are dragging their heels, and I’m starting to think they are about to go elsewhere. Ever the pessimist. I have spent bags of time last week putting together a proposal for another business, and that one has promise, but – again – it could be ages.

Then there has been a sudden spate of things going wrong. Yesterday I had to resolve three issues that were already fixed, but because of bad luck, and maybe a little carelessness on my part, they all came back. I sorted them for good this time, but there’s nothing worse than a retread.

Frankly, I need to move on. Yesterday my patience snapped. I’ve been doing this business now for three years, and though it is in a very good position really, I kinda get the feeling that I’m running out of time. I’ve had this horrible sinking feeling for a few months now, that I am not really going anywhere, and my life is not living up to what I had hoped it would be. Maybe it’s the early mid-life crisis. After all, something must have made me buy a bucket of Lego recently…

I think the other abiding problem I’ve got is where I am. My housemate returned from holiday yesterday, and it has been bliss without him being here. I’m fed up – completely, utterly, totally – living with him. I think it really is time I had my own place. But I can’t do that – financially – until one of these big projects comes in. Housing is not cheap.

Then there is the relative disappointment. On Sunday, I was lucky enough that a friend of mine came to visit. This was a bloody miracle, since a) I have so few friends; and b) the ones I do are all so far away they don’t bother. But for a change, someone did. He has just finished a PhD and is about to emigrate to Switzerland for a few years. He also has a girlfriend, and is seemingly quite pleased with the direction of life. I can say the same, too, for the rest of my tiny friendship circle.

I keep telling myself I shouldn’t compare my life with my peers, but I can’t help it.

Advertisements
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: