Personality, Schmersonality

As a result of my self-imposed moratorium for not going on about my business, my posting rate collapsed. Well, it has collapsed anyway since the past year, mainly because nothing truly interesting seems to happen in my life these days. But here goes nothing…

Last week, at least I think it was last week, I spent some time watching the BBC’s Child of our Time series. It’s something I’ve never missed an episode of, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it over the last 10 years. The concept of following someone from birth to adulthood is extremely interesting to me, and it has taught me a lot. OK, I couldn’t list any of that right now, but I know it has!

In any event, the most recent season, if you can call two episodes a season, was based around the work of a huge personality test the BBC has been pushing over the last year. Here is what I got:

Basically, I’m turning into a right old misery.

Personality tests are, of course, a huge potential for bullshit obscured with scientific lingo. But I especially like this one, because it looked a bit like there was some rigour to it, but also because, as graphs go, it is me all over.

The test defined openness as a measure of creativity, and of lateral thinking. I actually thought I’d do poorly on this scale, as I always feel like I have no good ideas at all. But maybe I’m doing something right. In any case, the graph is relative to the population, so perhaps I’m more creative than most.

Low levels of extroversion didn’t surprise me at all. I am a bore, and very comfortable with my own company, or that of close friends, not craving the need for approval of the group. But I feel this changing a little. I’m pretty lonely these days, and desperate times may call for desperate measures.

Agreeableness… yep, that is me too. I’ve become more cynical as time goes by, and definitely more “hostile” to people in the sense that I’m becoming embarrassingly aloof. I’m too much of a nerd. I try to stop myself from looking down on others, but I can’t help it.

Conscientiousness… I can vouch for that. Look at the past 5.5 years of diaries for proof. Generally, I launch myself 100% into projects and don’t rest until I reach an extremely high standard. If I don’t hit it, I hate myself. I really do.

And that’s why my neuroticism levels are high. It’s something I’ve never really noticed in myself until I started this business, but I am probably too sensitive. I take everything personally. I feel everything deeply. I obsess over the tiniest details and worry, worry, worry whether I’m doing The Right Thing. Shit, I panic over a matter of pennies.

All in all, it’s probably why I’m still single.

Fuck.

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