A Note To Mum

It’s probably a good sign when you’re so busy you forget to blog, right?

But then, what happens when the work runs out…

Yes, the pace slows down to a crawl, and I get some time to think. And catch up.

Not too much time though, I hope. Cos lately, I’ve actually been earning enough to sustain living here and start to pay back some of the money I’ve borrowed (off myself) to finance the move.

This is good, and it’s real progress. Lately I’ve felt pretty good about myself. Well, part of me, anyway. I’m never truly happy, it seems. Largely because of my lack of social interaction with anything. And of the things I am interested in, politics, singing, computers, education… they tend not to get me involved with people my own age. Especially women.

But I can’t really complain. I now have short-term targets to ensure I’m earning £125 net profit a week. That’s not much, but believe me it’s a start, and right now it’s exactly what I need. Moving house has been an expensive business, and I really need to be earning double that per week if I’m to have a half-decent life… but even that is not sufficient. That would never pay off the student debt!

Meanwhile, today is my mum’s birthday. I have sent her a present, which thankfully arrived in time. But still it doesn’t feel right not to be there… even though I must have missed her birthday every year out of the four I was away at university. Still, I suppose it’s one less person to get in the way. My mum and dad get no time to themselves, so maybe they’ll be able to go out for a meal tonight without having to worry about paying for everyone else, as invariably happens.

It’s nice though to say thanks to your mum, and I really don’t do it often enough. She’s under so much pressure and stress from my family it’s untrue. I try my best not to contribute, but I know she worries about me anyway. Not as much as she does about my elder sister and her son (my nephew) – but she never complains. Well, only a little.

But who wouldn’t. She had my sister when she was 16 and has been a mother ever since, and is now a grandmother too. That’s quite a shift to be putting in. I think it helps keep her young, but soon enough we all need to be big enough to stand on our own two feet. I’m trying to do that, but no one else helps.

I feel sorry for her. She says she has no time to do anything for herself. And she’s probably right. The best she manages is maybe to sit down on FarmVille for half an hour each night. She doesn’t read. She hardly goes out. She doesn’t listen to music any more. She doesn’t play games, and hardly ever sees her friends.

Now I’ve managed to shame myself into thinking I need to be more appreciative. But that was my goal. I think I’ll take her for a meal when I’m next back. That would be a nice extra present, I think.

Thanks, Mum. Happy birthday too!

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