Turning On A Sixpence

The past couple of days can be characterised by the above phrase. The thing that’s swinging wildly from one hour to the next is my mood. Allow me to chronicle the myriad reasons why.

Last Thursday: critically important message sent to a friend. This message contains my plans for the future, an idea for a venture between me and my friend. The friend is interested, but I need to hear back from him with his input before the next steps can be taken. Mood: anxious.

Friday: I make preparations for the venture, wondering what’s going to be next. But I decide not to buy anything just in case I can save some money by waiting for the VAT cut to come into effect on Monday. Mood: excited, but nervous

Saturday: Still no reply from friend. Starting to annoyed about it… the message contained time sensitive requests that need to be fulfilled Monday at the latest. Still, he has probably been in work all week, and normally goes out on a Saturday night, so another day of wait won’t be a problem. Mood: tense.

Sunday: day of distraction for me. Football joy to be had. But the bad part: it was going to be against the second best side in the league. Imminent thrashing ahead. Mood: despondent. Arrive at the football, not enough players to play a full side, but too many to cancel the game. Weather turning glorious after promised sub-zero temperatures failed to materialise, last chance of game being called off lost. Mood: suicidal. 

Game happens, 10 minutes into which our former goalkeeper turns up, the incredibly talented one who quit the team two weeks before for ridiculous reasons too farcical to go into here. He says he wants to play for us again. Only lose 2-0 despite having chances to win it ourselves.  Mood: ecstatic, yet frustrated. Then at end of game goalkeeper tells us he isn’t certain yet if his circumstances will allow him to rejoin us permanently. Mood: pissed off.

Still no reply from friend. Mood: very very pissed off. 

Monday: Still no reply. Date of “launch” has arrived. Take a gamble and go ahead anyway with the things I needed to do. VAT cut gamble paid off. Mood: less pissed off than before. 

Decide to text friend to give him a little nudge. Reply back instantly saying he doesn’t check Facebook unless it e-mails him. Turns out it hadn’t, so he hadn’t seen my message. Mood: better – I believe him, because Facebook’s notification system is flakey these days. 

Learn later on in the day that my mum has been lying to us all for years… while she supposedly doesn’t smoke, it seems that in work she often has a sly one or two, all the while pretending she doesn’t. I had my suspicions, but the blatant lies this means she’s told us all for such a long time are very upsetting indeed. Mood: angry. 

Tuesday: friend finally replies to my message, and happily tells me he’s still very much interested. Mood: relieved. But still annoyed about the lies from yesterday and haven’t really spoken to Mum since. 

In fact, on the smoking thing, there hasn’t even been a confrontation. The revelation occured with my mum out the room, my sister telling us that she’d seen her smoking in school (where my mum works as a teaching assistant). My dad was in the room too at the time. It seems he knew about it, but he has seen how disappointed I was, so I’m sure he’s relayed on the news.

Last night I was just feeling terrible. It had been a long and exceptionally boring day, made worse by the waiting for my friend to reply and the happenings in my family. When I went to bed I was beginning to think that nothing is ever going to go right for me. All I wanted was a chance and every time I found one something tripped me up again. 

But this morning things aren’t so bad. I really hope I’m doing the right thing here.

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