Two Years

Another Christmas has come and gone. Boxing Day is really an excuse for people to drink, eat and recover from the Christmas pressure just for one extra day. But it’s been good fun here: the present haul was the usual clutch of books, DVDs, games, clothes, alcohol and more… and all of my presents were well received by the looks of it.

To me, the transition of Christmas from the receiving to the giving is almost complete. You can’t beat some new things to read/listen to/watch/play/wear for Christmas, but now I also derive some enjoyment from seeing the reaction when a present I buy for someone is met with happiness, gratitude, and then ultimately being used a lot. I bought my brother some computer speakers, which I know will be used every day for the next few years. That’s probably the best possible…

The usual Christmas feasts were followed by a small extended family gathering for drinks and too much TV watching. EastEnders (I don’t watch, but had to last night… it was rubbish), Doctor Who, Coronation Street, Little Britain. There were not enough seats so I had to sit on the floor. That was painful. My back still hurts a little this morning. But that was great. It’s becoming very hard for me to escape the fact that I really enjoy spending time with my family. This may be a slight problem if I ever decide to go through with my long held pledge of leaving this country. Argh.

But what’s interesting, well, to me at least, is that I have now been blogging for two years. That’s some commitment. I always wish I had started earlier. I meant to begin in September 2004, just when I started Uni, but I never did. I had thought about doing it earlier than that. I wish I had found the inclination now as it would just have extended this now fascinating history that I’m building up. In some respects I also wish I would write more, as I know there is a lot of stuff that happens to me which I never get to write down… I just don’t have the energy or the time in a lot of cases. That’s a shame, as I would love this journal to be as comprehensive as possible.

Still, what I have here is better than nothing. As I’ve said many times before, it is largely for my benefit, but I think the idea that someone, somewhere, might (heavy emphasis on the “might”)also be reading just gives me that little extra encouragement to keep writing. I love to go back and read what I’ve written too. For instance, things are now so enormously different in my life compared to what they were when I first started. It may not seem it at first glance, but I genuinely do feel a different person to the one that was writing extremely miserably back in December 2004.

And that is the change. I wrote back then about a “permanent depressive mode”. Thankfully, it wasn’t so permanent after all, though it did feel it at the time. I like to think that this blog has been a really useful way of getting a lot of stuff out of my head and expressed in more constructive ways… so in many respects, this blog has also helped me to change the way I think about myself.

This place has played a small role in helping me become a different person. I really could go through dozens of posts and describe how I’ve changed since then, but it would just take so long. That Youth Review was hard enough. I just know things have changed, and I have continued to grow up into a young adult – and what’s amazing is that some of that process has been documented here. It provides me with a fascinating read when I look back with a curious sense of detachment. Once enough time has passed, it almost feels like I didn’t write it, so I can examine it with a different perspective. I really would encourage everyone to keep a journal of some sort…

So today, I shall be raising a (small) glass at my conscientious effort to archive my thoughts and life. Long may it continue.

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