Funny Feeling

I feel a bit weird at the moment. I got back to Hull on Sunday night and had a million things to do to get myself organised for the next day. But I just couldn’t be bothered. Instead I just sat in the living room with my friends/housemates and got back into the groove of studenty communication with them.

Next morning, the alarm clock goes off and the first words I say are “Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks!”. I had either a 9:15am or a 11:15am seminar on the first day back, but I wouldn’t know which group I was supposed to be in until I went in. So I had to go to the first one. Lucky for me, I was in the first group, so I was rather pleased with this stroke of good fortune. The seminar was interesting, but I just wanted to go back to sleep. It was becoming pretty clear that it was going to take me a little while before I was used to University life again. Because of this, I threw myself in the deep end and volunteered to do next week’s seminar. Hmm. With the benefit of hindsight the next morning, I’m beginning to regret it…

But the biggest feeling right now is one of “Ummm. Yeah.” It’s a kind of sarcastic cynicism. I don’t want to be back here, and I keep making absurd connections with lots of items, songs and thoughts by saying “Oh, last time I I was back at home. How time flies.” This involves eating bits of Christmas present chocolate, playing certain tunes on my keyboard, and even discovering old receipts in my pocket for things I’d bought. It’s a depression, but it’s one I know is going to lift soon when I start doing stuff that will make me forget about it. It’s also a depression which is tinged with acceptance, so I’m just letting it run its course. Like I said, it makes me feel a little weird.

I’ve also discovered that this journal has also more immediate uses for me now that I have passed one year of operation. I can now look back at what I wrote this time last year and see how I dealt with my life back then. Perhaps I can learn from my mistakes. Hmm. Maybe not.

Tomorrow is my first driving lesson of the new year, and I’m actually looking forward to trying out the driving skills I’ve been practicing with my mum and dad back at home on Hull’s wonderful roads.

And this is my 99th post since I started. I’m sure post 100 will be just like all the others…

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