In probably my first truly sad post in many months, I am kicking off the new month with a whimper. October arrives, and with it it has brought me a nice cold which has struck viciously overnight. One of my housemates has already had a cold for about a week, and so I thought I was going to get away with it.

I thought wrong. I hope I don’t suffer for as long as he did. I’m pretty sure that this is my first illness since this time last year; I very rarely get ill. If I do I normally take it easy for a day and drink lots of water and by the next day I’m able to operate again, even if I still have a few symptoms. I can’t stand having to stock a wad of toilet roll in my pocket because I never know when I’m going to sneeze and release masses of mucus.

But it’s more than this. The long slow descent into winter is finally taking effect. It’s getting pretty cold in this house now, and the dark nights really do make the whole place rather gloomy. Combining this with the fact that the workload has increased exponentially in this past week and is sure to continue, and the fact that I’m Looking Forward to life beyond University once more, and it’s bringing together some rather miserable moments.

Looking Forward is not something I’ve done for a while. I have no real clue what to do after Uni, but I would like to avoid studying more if possible. I have always had a slight inkling that teaching might be for me, and after summer that theory might well be true, but then you can’t really compare like with like. It’s also possible that I enjoyed summer so much, and I’m pining for it again now, because it’s a rare thing. I’m sure if I was doing that every day forever I would eventually get bored after many months. No. It is healthy that I now have something to look forward to, driving me forward.

But what about life in the future? I had a late night discussion with two friends the other day going on until about 3am… we just talked about how I feel politics is dead (funny, cos that’s the subject I’m studying), society is ceasing to function, and international affairs are just depressing. If you look at the wider picture in the world, it’s really hard to see anything but doom and gloom. I’m not sure what kind of world we’re entering into these days, but it really doesn’t seem good.

The future is worrying. It annoys me that amidst my depression about the world, I’m going to have to eventually do something within it and Know My Place around it. Another opportunity wasted. Another pointless life.


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  1. Hey Matt – posted a heartfelt comment here which seems to have been lost. Briefly I will repeat it (sigh).

    I think we all reach a point in our lives where we realise the vast majority won’t have a significant impact on the world or society.

    But maybe consider focusing on that which you can change: your immediate surroundings and life, and those who play varying parts in it.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if one of those kids had the the time of their lives at Camp over summer. You’ll never see them again, but they’ll remember it for the rest of their lives.

    That’s special, and partly down to you.

    The small things aren’t the same as the pointless things.

  2. Hey Huw. Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate hearing what other people think about the malaise of life and how they think it should be coped with.

    You’re right, of course… there are little things we can do to make a small difference, and I suppose it’s better than nowt. I just need to stop working myself up so much about this.


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